Ron, my step dad

I was blessed to have a natural father, but also a step dad. My step dad, Ron, was the one that lived in the same house as me as I grew up. Each of them has played important roles in my life, at different points. It is almost as if the two of them were in a relay race, passing the baton back and forth as to who would parent me.
From as early as I can remember, Ron was in my life, as my stepparent. The legal marriage didn’t take place until I was 10, but he was present before then. Not many men would take on a single mother with four kids spanning over 10 years. Ron did. He opened up his home to us and we moved in. More than just food and shelter, he taught me values that would shape who I was.
Ron and I had a unique relationship. Being the youngest of 4, I didn’t have the experience of living with my mom and dad, as a family, like my older siblings did. They were divorced by the time I was one year old. Maybe that is why my relationship with Ron was so unique. He was immediately kind to me assumed the position of being a father figure.
I had never traveled outside the bordering states of Wisconsin, until at age 13, Ron took my mom, sister and I across the country to California to visit his daughter. We stopped at National Parks and scenes that every American should see in their lifetime. There was Yellowstone Park, the Old Faithful Geyser, The Four Corners, Wall Drug, Mesa Verde National Park, the Grand Canyon and countless other landmarks. We even stopped in Las Vegas for a few days. While mom and Ron did the casinos, my sister and I walked the Strip (which in 1987 was dramatically different than today) and lounged at the pool. We spent a few days in Los Angeles with trips to Venice Beach and Disney Land. Ironically, the day Ron passed away I spoke of this trip, in detail, to my husband, son and step kids. I vocalized my desire to take our kids on this same journey (minus Las Vegas!).
But more than just giving me the opportunity to travel, Ron was a father figure to me. With his heavy involvement as a President of the local AFL-CIO Union, he taught me what true Democracy was and how to achieve it. He was a member of the Madison Police and Fire Commission, which he used as a catalyst to encourage me to be a service provider, in ANY capacity I could. He stressed the more you give the more you will receive. He took me to my first “job” when I was 12. He volunteered at the Badger Football home games, doing the chains on the sidelines. He arranged for me to work the concessions, walking up and down the stadium steps yelling out “hot dogs, get your hot dogs here”. When I was initially embarrassed by the 20% commission paying job, he told me I should never shy away from a job because of what others would think, because in the end, it would only be my hard work and determination that would put $$ in my pocket.
Ron worked at “Ma Bell” for his career years. You may know this company as Wisconsin Bell or Ameritech. He was regimented in his schedule. He got up, showered, had breakfast, left for work, returned from work at the same time Monday – Friday. He was of the generation that you put your time in with a company and you will earn steady raise increases and job security. Thank God he retired before the 2000’s when the economy tanked and those valued employees were seen as a financial liability. I always valued his longevity and dedication to his employer and community service.
Every Christmas, Ron would address holiday cards to the Mailman, the Garbage person and the paperboy. He would give cash, as a thank you for their service. To this day, I do the same.
When it came time to think of college, I didn’t think it would be possible to go. But, Ron encouraged me and told me it would only help my future. He even assisted me in applying for grants and scholarships, which I ended up winning one through the Labor Union.
It has been said that Ron was “old fashion” or “stubborn” in his thoughts of a home, roles and responsibilities, work ethic and parenting. But for me, it was the foundation I needed to get through my youth with structure. When Ron’s stubbornness would subside along with my youthful defiance, there was always a hug from him, to assure me everything was OK and that it was OK to have different viewpoints.
I would be missing a key point if I didn’t mention that my mom met Ron through AA. Growing up with my mom and step dad was growing up with the Higher Power (HP) as my “god”. Ron referred to our powerlessness to addictions, and by asking our HP for guidance, we would eventually get an answer. Our religion was the 12 Steps. Our congregation was anyone touched by alcoholism.
When it came to primary discipline, asking permission or basic day-to-day life necessities, my mom was the primary go to person. Ron would never interfere, unless I completely overstepped my limits, which was rarely since Mom and Ron had a very open parental relationship with me. Almost like a fixture, you would find Ron sitting in his chair, in the living room watching TV, reading the paper or napping. I knew I could always sit on the couch and open up conversation and he would be attentive. It is then that we talked politics, school, National news and every other topic I would bring up.
I am not idolizing Ron as perfect. No one is perfect as a person or as a parent. But for me, he served a purpose, and helped form the definition as a stepfather to me. Thank you, mom, for bringing Ron into my life. Now that I myself am a stepparent, I reflect often on the core values he instilled upon me. What do I want to teach Jake and Cortney? What messages is my husband giving Noah? Step parenting is an endless journey. I am thankful to Ron for giving me the foundation to which I can build my own role as a stepparent on.
The baton has passed for the last time, as Ron has entered the eternal life in Heaven. He will be greeted by my mom, who will show him the importance of reaching down to Earth, every so often, and give their loved ones signs they are around us all the time. I am awaiting one of those signs. But if they are as subtle as the way he taught me values and goals, I may not see them so easily – but walk through life with them swirling around me all the time.